Hey, Little Miss Perfect, you are just a bully. Why don’t you give it a rest already?

We all know that mom. She is the one who really wants to act like she is perfect. Not the one that just IS perfect. You know, the one who seems to wake up looking amazing and clearly has her life figured out. Or at least she makes it look that way, and doesn’t seem to even be trying. Not that one. I am talking about the one who is actually just like the rest of us. Not even close to perfect, but she wants you to think she is perfect.

I know that we all want to come across like we have this life all figured out, or at least somewhat figured out. If you are at all like me, you know good and well that you have no idea what you are doing. Sure, you can get your kids to school, generally clean and with a plan for lunch. You might even remember to do their homework and make them a hot breakfast every morning. All the while, you are trying to figure out how to get to the store for more food. How to pay for that food, lose the weight, pay for the piano lessons, and finish those reports for work. Most likely your are just trying to figure out how to keep from locking yourself in the car and taking a nap.

Yes, You Are Normal

You, my friend, are normal. You have some of it figured out, but you know you are mostly a mess. Hopefully you know that you are doing a great job. You spend hours every week wondering if you are balancing your kid’s emotional needs with their intellectual needs. Are you feeding them too many carbs, spending enough time reading with them, or letting them have too much screen time. Did you get them into the right school, or to school at all today? Have you set up their summer camps, or private lessons early enough.? Did you start their college savings early enough and have you put enough in? Or are you not even able to think about that because you need to put food on the table?

Guess what? You are doing a great job, no matter how guilty you feel about it right now.

These are the things that normal moms think about. What is not normal are moms who strive so much to be seen as the perfect person, that they have to take down everyone around them. I know, that is the new normal. We always want to take each other down apparently. What is not normal, even for these moms is trying to take down a child.

Party Foul

I am not talking about physically throwing the smackdown on little Bobby. This is talking about taking that child’s flaws, and exploiting them for your own gain or your children’s gain. I am talking about that mom who has such a hard time admitting to her own flaws, or those of her children, that drawing attention to an 8 year old’s perceived flaws feels good.

Let me give you an example. A 8 year old boy arrives at his swim team’s end of season party. Everything seems wonderful until this child begins to feel picked on or bullied in some way. Some people might call it boys being boys. This child however, is having a strong emotional reaction to it. Maybe he feels bullied or excluded. Maybe he is just hangry and someone forgot to have snacks ready.

He tries to walk away, but the other children keep at him about why he isn’t participating. The child is too young to have any idea how to handle this situation and acts out. Possibly he takes a swing at someone. Maybe he punches the wall or starts to cry. None of these are acceptable reactions for an adult, but do they seem pretty normal for a young child? I think they all sound pretty familiar.

Try Not to Overract

Now, I consider myself a “normal-ish” mom, and my reaction when this has happened at my parties or at my home is to try to calm the situation. Separate the kids, help the upset child either find a space for themselves so they can calm down, or find a way to get them home or to a place that they feel safe, because they clearly do not feel like they are currently in a safe place.

Once that happens, the party continues. As far as the children are concerned, it is over. For the child who felt unsafe for any reason, they have a chance to calm themselves, work with their parents and if needed, get help from an adult to resolve the issues between them and their friends. I find that this last step is rarely needed because young kids are quick to anger and quick to forget.

I usually try to check in with the parents to make sure that little Bobby is feeling better and see if there is anything I can do. Was there something I missed that would have helped the child recover faster, or that could have prevented the entire event. Did my child do something that I need to correct? Let me get this out right now, I am not the mom who thinks her kids are perfect. I am the mom who assumes her kids have done something wrong. This way when they don’t I am pleasantly surprised.

What I don’t do is hold a grudge against that child. I have seen moms start the church phone tree and start calling every other mom that little Bobby could ever possibly come in contact with. They don’t stop at telling the story about what happened. I MIGHT be able to understand that.

This is Why We Can’t Have Friends

Nope, that is not enough. They have to try to convince these other mothers to make sure their kids never play with that child. They make it known that this child will never be invited to their house again and they don’t want little Tommy playing with little Bobby because they clearly have emotional issues and the parents should consider putting them in therapy. Really, Karen? Therapy because they reacted to perceived bullying or exclusion? Overreact much?

Look in Your Own Backyard

Instead of looking at their own child and remembering when they had a meltdown and acted like a complete and utter crazy person (which every one of them has and will do….repeatedly), you are going to question this child’s mental health and try to make sure that he is further excluded and removed from his peers because he is 9 and learning how to handle life’s downfalls? Maybe you are suggesting therapy for the wrong person, Karen.

Karen is over here trying to make sure this child has no friends. What is the purpose of that? Do you think she is really concerned about her safety or the safety of her child? Not likely. I think she is just so concerned about looking like the perfect mom that she needs to make sure no one thinks anyone else’s kids are better than her’s. Everyone MUST know what angels her babies are in comparison to these monster children raised by satan worshipers who CLEARLY don’t teach thier kids that feelings have NO place in society.

Oh PAHLEEESE! Your kid has meltdowns too, Karen. We just don’t feel the need to tell the entire town about them. We don’t need to take your kids friends and your mom friends away to make a point about how terrible your kids are. Your kid is frequently the one causing the other children to have meltdowns by picking on them and spreading rumors about them. I don’t know about you other “normal-ish” moms out there, but I would rather raise the kid melting down because of a bully than to be raising the bully.

You are a Bully

I guess that really sums it up though, right? The bully child is being raised by the bully adult. I can’t think of another name for a mom trying to kill the friendships of a child because of something that EVERY child on the planet will experience at some point. Kids emulate their parents and other adults around them. I know I can get angry, I can get sad, and I can overact. Who among us can’t?

Maybe my kid is copying my emotions and reactions. Maybe these moms are really just trying to take us other moms down and make us look bad and don’t realize its a sweet little 8 year old that is suffering. I don’t feel like a terrible parent when these moms walk around and say these things. I’m a mom who is more concerned with her child’s emotional well-being, than I am about how they look to other people. I also don’t feel like anyone else’s kids need to be punished for how they are dealing with thier feelings.

I want to be the mom who shows her kids that when your feelings get the better of you, there are people out there who will treat you with compassion, because they have been there too. I hope they to learn to allow others to have their feelings and to forgive their friends when they overact and even when they are just flat mean. People have feelings, and people make mistakes. Yes, Karen, even 8 year old boys.